N as in "knife"

Chicago Summer is here! It is hot and fast, but I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way. I didn’t have many expectations for this year’s summer. I knew I had to take classes, which I have and will be continuing to do so, and I knew I had to save an extra amount of cash due to a possible strike at work. So, I kept myself grounded, but I’m maintaining my “yes man” mentality.

Here are some highlights thus far
- My first Sox game! I went with a few coworkers and it was a blast. Continuing with the theme, it was hot as hell too! My only gripe is not going around the ballpark to adventure. The baseball season is still in full swing so maybe next time.

- midnight bike ride with some good friends. Started around home and made our way down to the beach. It was approximately a 20 mile round trip. The weather was awesome at night time and once we hit the beach it was even better.

- Weddings! Even before the summer hit I’ve already been to two. I attended another two and I have 2-3 more on the calendar. (There goes the saving money idea, haha)

- passed my class in my first summer semester. I’m not happy about the B that I got in it, but the realization that I got rid of my math pre-req for the college of education. I also helped my 2 friends/coworkers who took the class with me. It feels good to be helpful and successful

- basketball. I’ve been practicing almost everyday. Just getting ready for Unity Games and even more important is taking care of my health. basketball is allowing me to maintain cardio. The wooden court is much more forgiving on my knees then pushing pavement. Hoop life, I hope to maintain it.

- band practice/performance. Been learning a lot of new songs with the band. Its fun and even cooler is my band mates push me to be better. I feel my voice has improved and gotten stronger. I also have been learning how to play the piano. Slow and steady though, haha

Still have a month and a few days of summer left. I get all of August off so I hope to enjoy it as much as I can.

A couple little things I would like to do.

-Random road trip or a weekend away somewhere.

- I miss yoga a lot so I hope to take a handful of classes sooner or later

- as always, continue to strengthen the relationships I already have and if the opportunity comes to meet some new people then so be it.

Viva Summer!

…its over. Its like I blinked and I had already came back to work. If I had to rate my spring break I would give it a 7 out of 10. A lot of tying up loose ends, cleaning up all over the house and a few errands here and there. I woke up as I pleased everyday, I went to bed whenever I wanted and was pretty unproductive. No places to be and nowhere particular to go. I was a “YES” man most of the week which directed me to random night time activities.

Here are a jumble of things I did over break: Chiropractor, Yoga, Basketball, The Bulls, Yard Work, payed bills, did taxes, arranged my room (<—that’s a never ending task), watched movies

However, with all the free time I had I started to think…too much. I reevaluated myself again, thought negatively of myself and questioned my abilities. I looked at my social and personal life. I have a decent sized circle of friends, but all the ones that matter are far away. The friends that I used to spend almost everyday with, grew up with and have so much history with. Its not like they’re impossible to get to, but it is enough of a hassle where you would have to plan in advance. Its not a “quick phone call and I’ll see you in a few minutes” kind of a deal. It’s more like, “are you available at this part of the month at this time specific time” kind of deal.

I guess all i’m saying is I wish I had that really close friend that I could talk to and would empathize with me. Or even give some advice and be there to spend time with if only for a few minutes. I understand when you grow older its harder to maintain friendships. Life gets in the way, work, school or whatever else may be occupying your time. It just stinks that when you need someone to just talk to about nothing that there are few and none anymore.

I’m laying down before work typing all this. I don’t want to get out of bed because my room is the perfect temperature. My window is cracked, a little breeze is sneaking its way into my room and the sun is barely up. My bed is just the right warmth giving me the option of using my blanket. I wish I could just lay here for a few more hours, but responsibilities are awaiting me.

I do wish my special somebody was here with me though. To share this, what I think in my mind, is the perfect setting haha.

Today is going to be okay…I hope. After work I have my chiropractor visit and hopefully will be able to watch the Bulls game.

So, lots of new and great things have been happening, but along with the good also comes the bad so here’s just a list of positives and negatives that have been happening in my life.

These are in no particular order

+’s
* Back to college! It’s been 3 years since I’ve been away and I came back big. I’m attending a local university to tie up the loose ends. So, if I play all my cards right I should be finished in 3 years. Crossin’ my fingers

* I’ve met someone and she makes me SUPER happy. I hate to be sappy, but its true! From school, work, everyday events and my general outlook on life everything has been more positive. Probably because I have something, well more particular, someone to look forward to at the end of the day.

* I’m almost done paying for my vehicle!

* I hope this isn’t a sign of my age. I’m just going to blame pure laziness, but my household is now wifi enabled! haha, all my electronic devices are happier and more useful now.

* I have met lots of new people stepping into this new year. Some that will be good friends, some that might eventually become enemies, who knows? However, its nice to put a little extension on my social circle.

* Despite the blizzard on my birthday I was still able to have a great time. Hung out with my friends and instead of complaining about the crappy situation I just made the most out of it. If someone give you lemons, make some lemonade. So, went on a really fun sledding trip. Even cooler, no broken bones! knock on wood!

* not like I was an addict or anything, but I am completely free of substances. Not only have I been feeling better, but I’ve also been saving a ton of cash. Not saying that I’m straight edge, but I have finally found the self control I needed. No one is perfect, but i’ll try my best to moderate everything. That means food, drinks, clothes, work, play, exercise, spending and much more.

* Yoga is still playing a strong role in my life. Not as often as I like, but I’m still dedicated. I use it as a reset button during the week. I get to focus on myself completely, see growth physically, mentally and spiritually. I hope to be that dude doing yoga until he’s old and wrinkly, haha.

-’s

* not in immediate action, but my work may go on strike. Worst case scenario is not working/being paid for 2 weeks. I do have time to prepare for it though. Time to be frugal!

* Back on the topic of social circles. Work continues to add drama. Not to my life personally, but this time to the people I actually care about. Same people causing the same grief. Same people being victimized or targeted. Not necessarily bullying, but just a lack of growing up. My friend said it best, “just because you work in a high school doesn’t mean you have to act like you’re in high school”

* MUSIC! I’ve been slacking on my writing and composing! Music is what gets me through the day. Hopefully my work band practices will stir my urge to work on it again.

….ha, now that I think of it not too many negatives after all. I mean I know there are problems in my life, but I overlook them because they’re petty compared to all the good things I have going on and because I have so much to look forward to in the future. A better me…an upgrade I guess, haha. It’s going to take time, but I know I’ll achieve it.

Well, I’ve been congested, coughing, and full of phlegm for the past week and a 1/2. I’m still sick, but not as bad as it initially was. I didn’t do any exercise except for the random 50 or so pushups I did 2-3 times a week. I feel lousy and that is no way to step into fall and even more so winter.

So today, which will probably be one of the last few days of beautiful weather left in Chicago, I went for my first run in weeks. I just did a mile and I tried to gas it as much as possible. I completed in 8min43sec. So far so good. I’m gonna try to run consecutively 3-4 times a week. Start off with a mile and slowly build my way back up to the 3-4 miles I used to run all the time.

…and yes, I’m still using my vibram fivefingers. Those goofy little toe shoes. Still no joint pain and I’ll believe in them until they do me wrong.

…It’s nice to feel sweat. It’s nice to breathe in hard for air. Let’s you know you’re still alive.

Everybody has a “friend” that only calls you when they need something. You know them, you see them every so often, but you never really interact with them. You just see that person as a silhouette. No details involved with this person. You might even just know them because they’re in the same social circle. 

I mind my business and they mind theirs, but sometimes they’ll reach out to you. Not even because they necessarily like to, but because they need something from you. I’ve had this happen all too many times. I’ll allow it the first time because I always give people a shot. However, if you don’t contact me on a regular basis; whether its by any of the social networking sites or the 3 ways you can contact me via smartphone then i’ll try to blow you off or even easier, ignore you. 

I’ve been used and abused before. I’ve learned to not be so kind to them as I already gave them their first chance. 

My personal experiences: 

I own a Jeep. A big vehicle, can seat plenty of people and can carry lots of things. I’ve been used as a moving truck and a form of public transportation. Its different when I offer to do these things, but don’t call me because you dont want to rent a uhaul or because I have the ride that can accomodate a good amount of people. If you’re truly my friend I would of done it in a heartbeat. I would of dropped anything I was doing to help you out. That is…if you were genuinely a companion. 

…and on a tangent. If you don’t talk to me all that much don’t act like we’ve been friends for years. I might have known you for a long amount of time, but that doesn’t mean you can call me nicknames, try to be buddy buddy and pretend like we have a real tight friendship. Be real with me and i’ll give you as much respect as I would anyone else, but please avoid acting fake. It’s not going to soften me up so I can do your dirty work or get what you want from me.

…and this was terribly written, but I just had to get this off my mind.

END RANT! I’ll try to be happy now :D

 

Growing up I was always the smallest of the group, eventually turned into the chubby funny kid and was never the object of anyone’s affection. Did pranks and tried to talk with everyone.

In high school I was awkward, still the runt, had braces, pimples and pretty any other thing that would detract attention from me. I stayed in the back, but still maintained to hold a large social circle. I joked around a lot and was involved a little bit in everything. A minor jack of all trades, I suppose.

Whenever there was a girl I liked I never acted upon it and the thought of a girl liking me was foreign. It also didn’t help that I went to a private all boys high school. So interaction with the opposite sex was fairly slim and difficult.

That mindset still is strong with me today. I’m comfortable with myself, I’m able to adapt to all settings put in front of me and I’m mature and logical, but the thought of a girl liking me is questionable. This is where I’m an idiot…

Not that I’ve turned into a sex symbol or that dreamy guy everyone wants, but there have been times where girls actually liked me…and I have been completely oblivious to it. Haha, I guess I need to start reading in between the lines. The only way I ever found out is if the girl directly told me or her friend clued me in.

….gosh, I have lots to learn, haha!

It all started Thursday July 28th, 2011. I went to service in the morning as usual, went to my last day of work for summer school and hung out afterwards with friends from work. I ate some food, I picked up my brother and then went to check out some clothing/shoes in Wicker Park. I get home around 4 and I was about to get prepped for my nap (haha) and then my sister calls. I was just expecting a question about our Mom’s birthday, but instead I get “my water broke and I need you to bring me to the hospital.” Mind you no exclamation point, she was totally calm, haha. So, I snap out of my sleepy state, throw some clothes on and install the child seat to my car because I needed to pick up my niece and drop her off at home as well.

I was more nervous than she was, which is expected. This is her second tour, so she’s pretty much a veteran. I picked her up some fast food then we were on the way to the hospital. Traffic sucked and I tried my hardest to avoid any major pot hole. We safely arrived to the hospital and then the waiting game started. Thankfully the hospital had great wifi. So to fill the time I had some sweet conversations via FB chat! Y’all know who you are! My sister’s husband and the rest of my family came near 11pm. At that time I ran to the cafeteria to get some food then drove home….in the storm.

Friday, July 29
While I was asleep my new niece, Catherine, was born 3am. Which is fun because my mom and her share a birthday! Next years celebration will no doubt be over the top.

I woke up at 8am to do a birthday pickup for my mom. I headed back downtown to pickup some Sprinkles cupcakes! Alongside the tasty treats we also picked up a gift card for my mom from Nordstrom.

The family relaxed for a little while, Maddie slept over and we eventually got ready to visit Christine and her new baby. I only stayed at the hospital for a little while then headed over to meet up my friends.  From the text I thought it was going to be a simple BBQ, play video game and chill type party. Boy, was I mistaken. It ended up being a get rich quick scheme. The video they played and the way they explained it didn’t even try to mask it was a pyramid scheme. To say the least I was very disappointed in what I was tricked into.

I escaped after the 1st 1/2 of the presentation to grill the food in the back. I also had to pick up a friend who needed help driving his car back to the place. He left previously to pick up some items for the party. Well, it was my reintroduction to manual transmission. It was a long ride back, haha, but we made it back safely. We went to another house near midnight to play the games we were supposed to originally. I made it home around 4am.

Saturday
All I was looking forward to was the MABC8! Before hand I met up my friends Doug and Renee for some Five Guys burgers. Then we chilled out before the crawl and were on our way. This was my 1st time starting from the beginning with everyone. This year was 80’s themed and it was a blast. They had sweet shirts resembling MTV shirts from that time period. I didn’t get a shirt so I decided to dress up Miami Vice Style. Don Johnson would be proud, haha. The Crawl was successful! I didn’t make it to the end, maybe next time.

Sunday
Got ready for service as usual. Before leaving I saw my oldest dog Chloe just hanging out near the porch. I tried calling her in, but as she attempted to I saw her stumble. I picked her up and brought her in the house then ran to church. Well, after a weekend of fun and games something real hit. When I got home from church Chloe passed away. I tried my hardest not to let any emotions come through, but once my sister came home to say her final goodbye I just broke down. We had Chloe for 10 years and I would of never expected any of this to come all of a sudden. I called up any animal hospitals in the area because I had no idea what to do with my dog’s body. Luckily I found one not too far from the house. It was surreal carrying her to my car in this state. Usually when I brought her out it would be to the park, to the groomer or the vet. It was heart wrenching having to do this. At the Vet’s office we went over the procedures. We had Chloe cremated and we even got her footprint on a clay piece. Her paw print and her urn will be the last two things we’ll see of her. RIP!

Afterwards I was kind of a mess. I didn’t want to be home so thankfully my friend from Indiana texted me. We decided to hangout which was a nice escape. We watched Cowboys VS Aliens and tried out some Indian food! I’m grateful she got a hold of me or else I wouldn’t of know what to do that day. That was the end to my weekend. Roller coaster of emotions and a variety of events.

So, this is going to be a rant of a few things. We’re going to go over me being single and Facebook. Generally speaking I’m kind of lonely and this social networking stuff is becoming on me.

I’ve been single for a year now and before that I was single for almost 2 years. I’m not the guy whose always had a girlfriend. I’m not the guy who can pick up a girl at the drop of a hat. I usually work pretty hard to get any girl to take a look at me or just give me an opportunity to talk with them. Now that it’s summertime, I’m as active as can be. I’m going out wherever and whenever, having fun and enjoying time, but I feel something is missing. Perhaps that special somebody to experience all these outings with. Sure, its kind of my fault because im not exactly looking for anyone and if the opportunity arises I kind of slide my way out if it. I guess you can say im a bit too reserved when I meet new people. A critical downfall when you want to get to know anybody.

Topic number 2: I really want to delete my FB account, but won’t because there are a handful of people that I’ll never be able to contact otherwise. Facebook makes it too easy to keep tabs on people, too simple to create rumors/stories about people and all in all a great productivity waster. Sure, it’s nice to share a few pictures, update your status a couple times, but after all that what do I really benefit from it? Majority of the people on there I dont even speak to on a regular basis and even more so in real life.

Sigh, what to do and woe is me, haha. Someone help me be less lonely and give me more valid reasons to get off the book of faces.

NIGHT!

to let go of things in the past. I heard it a million times before to just move onward, but its too damn easy say it then actually follow through with it.

I treat all the people I’ve met in my life with the same amount of respect. Nothing can change that unless some boundaries are crossed, actions of those people are consistently negative or there was some incident that has made me lose trust in them. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Its a simple way to look at things and that’s how I go about with most of my relationships.

However, thats enough being a negative Neil. Somethings I have to work for in the future and that I’m looking forward to.

- Summer is right around the corner. I’m thankfully working summer school at work or else I would of transformed into a lazy lazy person.

- Saving up a few more dollars because I will FINALLY be returning to school next fall.

- The last thing I can think of is more of a goal. I would like to strengthen the friendships I already have and also work on stepping out of my circle of comfort to meet new people.

Good luck to me!

I’ll try not to linger in the past, but the time I’ve invested in some people I just can’t erase from my head.

“F&%$ the past and make love to the future” I think thats Kid Cudi, haha.

I’m at the 1/4 century of my life and I’ve experienced a good amount things. Events, that I’ve enjoyed or hated. People, that rub me the right way or piss me off. Things, in general that have molded me to know what I enjoy and hate.

Yesterday, what ticked me off was an act of rudeness. I’ll try to set you up in my situation.

1) I offered to create an acquaintance with a CD they wanted. They were nice enough to supply the blank discs.

2) Their friend finds out and rudely “requests” one. No nice wording, no offer to give CDs, just an impersonal text with their demands.

I was pissed to say the least. Sure, it’s a minuscule task, but try to be nice about it. I also don’t expect anything in return accept to be a decent person to me. Which probably wouldn’t have happened. Get what you need then forget about me.

How do you go about demanding stuff from a person you dont even talk to? How do you feel like you deserve to get anything free with an attitude like that? A little graciousness goes a long way in my book. Especially because I’m never rude to either of these people. I offered to burn one of them a CD then I get demanded like some sort of slave for another set.

I hate to generalize, but the interactions above were with Women. Not a little girl, but a grown woman, who for some strange reason thinks the world owes them something. Then they see me, Mr. Nice Guy and try to stomp over me. Women have been the route source for my unhappiness recently. I have been stomped on before and once I decide to defend myself then I’M THE ASSHOLE, right?

…sounds about right.

the past few weeks lots of fun activities have found their ways into my life. I’m not going in any particular order, but here we go…

for the past few Monday nights, I’ve been lucky to go do some fun, out of the ordinary stuff. I know its a School night, but you have to live life a little :)
- First Monday was a Bulls game. I was shoveling, i felt like a zombie and all of a sudden I felt a vibration in my pocket. My friend invited me to watch The Bull’s game at the United Center. We were playing the Bucks, we beat them and I got my snack/spirit on!
- Second Monday, same group of friends and I went to go see Tron: Legacy in 3D at the IMAX in Navy Pier. Not sure if the movie was worth seeing in 3D, but the movie in itself was really sweet. A nerd’s wet dream, haha

Last Friday, went to my friend’s fundraiser party. I haven’t had that much fun in awhile. With a $30 buck bracelet on my wrist for 3 hours…I guess it was safe to assume what trouble I could of got myself into. Memorable parts of the night
-winning a massage
-winning a PBR shirt for my friend
-eating mac and cheese with asparagus
-Fully loading my car to drop off my friend’s friends at their desired location safely.
 -and if you were curious, there were 9 people in my car…not including me

The day after was a tournament for my school’s girl’s basketball team. We won silver!

more currently the BLIZZARD of 2011!
I was driving in it majority of the day. I drove a friend home after work, did errands and bought some food. I was dismissed at 3:10ish and didn’t get home til almost 7. I hung out at home with my amigo, Justin, and we watched Iron Man 2 while feasting. Eventually drove him home and that was a crazy trip. I could see a good 10 feet in front of me, winds were making my car go off course and cars were being stranded left and right. I made it home safely, but slowly. Its a Jeep thing baby :D

Then this morning My dad and I shoveled for roughly 2 hours. I had the dogs out to play. They were wandering my barren neighborhood while I scooped away at the fallen snow.

Oh and the only reason I was able to experience the last two snowy events was because of my 1st ever CPS snow day! I wonder how long school will be out of comission. Can you say 5 day weekend!? I guess its a good thing my sport’s teams’ trip to Galena was canceled. It might of been a terrible thing to be trapped in a greyhound bus for a couple of days :D

Now, who wants to go sledding?